if I was you,I'd die

I never talked about my thanksgiving and I'll do that now. my grandmother said some really horrible things to me and I ended up walking home. i haven't talked to her since and I have my reason.
i don't have a lot of people in my life like I use to. my dads parents are assholes,my dad doesn't live here and neither does my brother. all of my cousins are married or selfish so its me,my mom,and my grandparents.
so on thanksgiving we got into this discussion about some one we know. now understand,my grandma never leaves the house. she sits at home,reads the news constantly and gets online.my grandpa does just about every thing else as far as outside activity.
so,the discussion. this girl i have known forever and went to high school with is more or less an idiot. like most black people in my town,she smokes a lot of weed and is in general,an idiot. i'm not trying to seem like an asshole,but i've lived here my whole life. so please,try to understand what I know is different. anyway,she more or less is a prostitute and makes amateur movies and gets paid for it. with older men,of any age,race,what ever. so i'm telling my grandma about how she failed out of highschool and how weird this is. ok now,i don't know about you,but my grandma would've been giving me shit if i did that. not this girl,she is "an adult" no,shes an idiot.
not some one i was friends with much after jr.high for this reason. so she gets pissy and we get into other things. i got kind of pissed off at my mom. she also tells me how to talk to my mom. first of all,i'm 24 not 12. secondly,if i want to bed pissed off,regaurdlessof who it is,I will be. my mom and i talk this way often. so she then tells me: if i were as negative as you are,I would commit suicide.

I was so completely and totally shocked,my blood pressure shot up,I could feel my heart beat.. i was upset and hurt. at this point i was trying really hard not to cry and I did. so i got up while every one else was cleaning. i put on my coat and said i don't have to put up with this bullshit,and I left. i walked home that night and I haven't spoken to her since.

its hard to just say,no thats ok. she told my mom she didn't mean it the way it came out. well what the hell did you mean by it. there is a reason why your oldest daughter is crazy,and fucked a bunch guys online. she said this same crap to my aunt like it was no big deal and she should just get over it. no,you get over it. you get over how horrible your child hood was and how depressing every thing was. you're 71,not 9.

you aren't the only one who has been abused,mistreated,ignored.

some times I feel like this is all my life will ever be. a bunch of let downs by the people i'm suppose to call my family.
my feelings get hurt far easier than I will ever let any one know.

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Julianna but everyone calls me Julie. I live in southern illinois. I'm 24. I do hair aka cosmetologist and watch a lot of re-runs.music is my life and it makes me happy. my friends are my family.I'm full of useless information. i'm extremely opinionated,blunt,and honest. small talk is stupid and I have no use for it.I'm a big girl,always have been and I like who I am. if you have a problem with "fat people" you can go fuck yourself and bite my ass. however,I am a nice person for the most part and I just have no time for stupidity. sarcasm is my middle name. we only live once so don't take life so seriously.

golden girls,hello kitty,going to shows,st.louis,houston,piercings,mad tv,dane cook,my momma,my brotha,get togethers,target,christmas,my birthday,halloween,the state,reno 911,warm vanilla sugar,bottled water,singing,uncle buck,goonies,seinfeld,etc.

smoking,drugs,stupid people,eggs mixed with other foods(like omlettes),the word"yuns",jackasses,smelly people,dirty finger nails,the radio,country music,most of tv,etc.

low,rilo kiley,they might be giants,sufjan stevens,pedro the lion,motion city soundtrack,damien rice,lou barlow,jimmy eat world,mobius band,ted leo and RX,ben folds,ratatat,iron and wine,that dog,the urge,spoon,death cab for cutie,etc.

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